It baffles me as to why anyone would think "milking" is cool. It's literally the stupidest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen and done a lot of stupid stuff. How is the idea of pouring a gallon of milk over your head even funny? Answer: it's not. It's dumb, and if you think it's amusing, you should've been locked up in a mental institution years ago.
At least planking was sort of clever. This idea could only have come from the lowest, smelliest spot in the bowels of human intelligence. The scum of the earth, if you will. If this thing catches on, there is no hope.
Click through for some more reasons that milking is the most pathetic excuse for a prank in the history of time.
I get it. You want attention. You want everyone to stop what they're doing and focus on you. But this isn't the best way to achieve those results! People are only looking at you because you're making a fool out of yourself. It's not because they think you're cool or funny.
Wouldn't you rather do something that makes people give you positive attention? Wouldn't you rather be laughed with than laughed at? Then stop milking. Seriously. You're better than that.
You might be thinking, "Hey! I bought the milk. I paid for it. As long as I'm helping the economy, what does it matter?"
Because you aren't helping the economy, genius. I could be wrong, but I'm betting that you don't even have a job. You probably live in your parents' basement, where you spend all day and night goofing off with other local hoodlums andsuckling from the teat of society.
That probably wasn't even your money. It was probably your mom's or dad's. I wouldn't be surprised if it's money you made from dealing drugs. Or maybe you stole it. If anything, you're a drain on the economy. Cut the crap.
Granted, I'm no teenager. But I'm not middle-aged or elderly, either, and I was under the impression that the generation behind me is chock full of good kids with a lot to offer the world. They supposedly:
- Love and accept people who are different
- Care about the environment
- Want to help the poor
- Want to feed the hungry
You're making the rest of your generation look bad. If a kid is starving and doesn't have access to a healthy drink because some hooligan dumped it on his head to be funny, that's a perfectly good reason to cry over spilled milk.
You know you're going to have to take a shower when you're done, right? Since you probablyhaven't bathed in weeks because you're a lazy good-for-nothing, I doubt you're really looking forward to hopping in the shower. It's probably the worst thing you could possibly imagine.
Oops. Joke's on you, eh?
Finally, let's take a look at your choice in substance. The whole point of this "prank" is to make yourself look silly by pouring something on your head in public. But why milk? Considering the smell and consistency of said beverage, in the words of Ron Burgundy, "Milk was a bad choice."
You could have just as easily used water and gotten the same results (without being obnoxious and inconsiderate). Or you could actually be creative. Buckets of the following would've been infinitely more awesome choices:
- Glitter
- Perfume
- Candy
- Jell-O
- Confetti
At least with those items, something good could come from your display of ridiculousness. With milk, you're just annoying everyone, including yourself. Think about it.
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